Homesickness happens to many people who move away from a place they love, but it can add a whole new aspect for TCKs. Sometimes homesickness is expected, so one can be prepared. But for others, it can feel like it jumps out of nowhere. Faith Dea explores this topic as an MK turned military bride this week.
Homesickness struck a new chord in me after I married the love of my life. I met and wed my husband within a single year. While engaged, we barely had the time in our schedules to develop a deeper friendship, yet I knew we were meant to be lifelong partners. My husband was a second lieutenant in the Air Force. He received his first orders to Montana―a state that felt as far removed as basically any foreign country on the planet. The only difference was that we could drive to our new residence without crossing international borders. Once I settled into our first house, homesickness stirred in a way I did not expect.
It was a strange feeling, to be honest. Marriage had been a long-time prayer, answered at last. I was enormously happy to be a wife and settle down in the U.S. with my man. Prior to all this, I’d shared apartments, survived college dorm life, rented a room, and hopped across the U.S. a couple of times. In those days, I felt like I was on a moving sidewalk, one that propelled me onto the next thing. However, this feeling of being homesick had little to do with the location, though I had a few complaints about the weather in central Montana. It was a combination of my brand-new role as a military spouse and the short span of meeting and committing my entire future to my husband.
My siblings and parents would consistently show up in my dreams at night. One or more of them were always present, no matter the dream. The man I married was my new best friend, but compared to family members, he was basically a stranger, as we had no long history in our relationship. I didn’t realize how important that piece of our relationship was since I’d never had friends who stayed in my life for more than a few months to a few years. “We have our whole lives to catch up” was the song of the lovebirds. And I was so ready for it.
When my husband had to work 24–72-hour shifts, I’d call my mom as I lay in bed at night. I would even call my mother-in-law, and that is how, in those early days, I got to know her. I also attended the church we joined, even when I had to go alone. Being present for services and fellowships was like being home. I belonged there. I volunteered my time with church ministries as well as the military spouse community. I sat and cried with another younger military wife in the pew one Sunday night as she opened up about being homesick.
But I was still an ex-missionary-kid bride, and homesickness dug deep into me. It bothered me that I didn’t feel at home, though I was exactly where I was meant to be. I thought I needed a trip back to China, where I’d grown up. I felt I needed the food (probably true), the environment, and everyone in general to satisfy the longing I felt. I could have traveled on my own, but I didn’t. I wanted to take my husband and show him everything about who I was and what had shaped my life, but the type of job my husband had did not allow us to travel to China. Instead, he and I took trips around the US together as our budget and time permitted. Each trip and each year that passed nurtured the bond of friendship we needed to wade through the various hardships of life together.
As of this writing, the summer of 2025, my husband and I have reached our twentieth anniversary. We have moved eight times. We have bought three homes, rented three, and lived on base twice. These days, if I feel homesick, it’s for my husband and our three kids when we are separated. My experiences with homesickness bled through the TCK years into my married military life. I guess it would have happened no matter what my husband’s career, but it took me a long time to finally see the connective thread of grace running throughout my journey. God has woven a story for me with each role I’ve been given. I’m so glad I’m able to praise Him for keeping me tethered, first and foremost, to Himself.
Faith grew up an MK in Hong Kong, then moved into mainland China to teach ESL the summer she turned 19. She spoke Cantonese and Mandarin fluently. She returned to the US to complete college and eventually married into the USAF. She has published a memoir of her experiences and shares devotionals to women’s ministries.
Book: Unraveled: A Memoir
You can find her at her website, on Facebook, or on Instagram.
