From growing up as a TCK to married life as a military wife, sacrifice continues to pierce through the fabric of my whole world. To this day, I have never experienced a move where my entire community relocates altogether. Whittling it down to a few favorites and coming along with their packed bags has also never happened for me. Friends and extended family tend to stay put while we start over elsewhere, often knowing no one. Goodbyes are the hardest and often heart-wrenching, more so for my kids nowadays than for myself.
Times Have Changed…
It doesn’t matter that my kids are growing up with high-speed internet, FaceTime, kids’ messenger, and online multiplayer video games. When our family uproots from a church and community into which we’ve been immersed and served, it is never easy. It doesn’t matter if we’re only moving a few states away. All that matters is the bleeding of hearts once knit with both individuals and the land itself. Every place is unique.
…but the Grief is Still There.
From the time my eldest child was four years old, I felt the sting of parting from friends with kids his age. I grieved that he wouldn’t be growing up with them. When he was six, he sank onto a hotel bed with my husband and me after our final goodbyes. We wept together. Thinking about it now as I write brings a flood of fresh tears. That move was a cross-cultural one. Most of his buddies were not English speakers.
A New Complex Grief
When we took in our two adopted children, they cried often, the eldest begging to go back to his auntie, who had cared for them. It was a foster care situation, and at two and three, they had just become wards of the state. Though we were all American, there were obvious cultural lines that were crossed with that placement. My husband and I could not possibly understand all the dynamics they had experienced before entering our home at the time. Separation wounds ran deep, and it was clear a rending had taken place (most likely multiple times) within that would only be mended slowly with special attention wrapped in love.
Hope Renewed
Years have passed, and we have been at our current, newest location on the East Coast for a full year. It feels like I’m just now seeing the evidence of sacrifice wear off for each of our kids. This move was the eighth military one, and it was by far the hardest due to the roots sinking deeper than usual at our last location. As kids get older, it becomes increasingly complex for them to feel like they fit in or belong, especially for those with a strong need for social interaction. But now I look around and see not merely young people who have new friends, but young people who have conquered the unpleasant task of breaking through walls of unfamiliarity and the hesitancy in broaching brand-new territory.
Learning Resiliency
They say military kids are resilient. Dictionary.com defines the term as “springing back or rebounding; returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched; recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like.” As a former TCK, I know that the loss and gain of community have changed and stretched me, and continue to do so. I’m not sure that returning to “an original form” is what I want. Recovering readily from difficult situations is not my goal. True service is a sacrificial calling, whether carried out in the context of religious or secular allegiance. Deciding to step away so that kids no longer need to face difficult circumstances has not been a factor in how I live my life.
As a mom, I pray with my husband and trust the God who pieced our family together has the ability to produce a beautiful outcome in our hearts as we hop from place to place. He is Lord of our home regardless of where we plant our flag. Though sacrifice will inevitably pierce through the fabric of our future, God’s presence is constant. He shows up with healing restoration every single time.
“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Psalm 91:2
Faith grew up an MK in Hong Kong, then moved into mainland China to teach ESL the summer she turned 19. She spoke Cantonese and Mandarin fluently. She returned to the US to complete college and eventually married into the USAF. She has published a memoir of her experiences and shares devotionals to women’s ministries.
Book: Unraveled: A Memoir
You can find her at her website, on Facebook, or on Instagram.
