Sometimes, taking time to reflect on childhood experiences, adult third culture kids (ATCKs) notice themes that help them make sense of their present world. This was Claire’s experience. She shared how a midnight phone call with her childhood friend resulted in her writing a memoir, but also much more than she realized.
It was in August of 2022 that I experienced an identity crisis. I was living with my husband in Argentina at the time. Although I’d been living there for three years already, for some reason, I was deeply struggling with being an introvert in an intensely extroverted country. The church we were attending at the time was nothing if not intense and passionate, and I remember after a two-hour service that involved rock concert-level volumes, I would come home feeling utterly drained. Due to this, I often came up with flimsy excuses as to why I couldn’t join the various church activities that happened throughout the week. Social activities often hit the same nerve, as they tended to go long and late into the night and required me to engage my Spanish-speaking abilities the entire time. At the time, I was waffling between suffering in silence to meet the social requirements of the culture or just throwing in the towel entirely and saying no to events without even bothering to give them a chance.
In this season wrought with internal conflict, I had a late-night conversation on the phone with my childhood best friend, Hannah. Hannah and I had grown up as missionary kids in Manila together and had a rich history. As I relayed my social difficulties to her, Hannah suggested writing out my memoir as a form of therapy. The comment was off-hand, but it immediately took root in my mind. It wasn’t an idea I’d ever even considered up until then, but that night, I could barely sleep as all the possibilities of this project bubbled up in my mind.
The next morning, I sat down at my laptop and started writing – from the very beginning. Every morning for the next seven months, I’d wake up and spend an hour at my computer typing out my story. It was the highlight of every day, and I found myself so lost in my writing that I’d often forget what time it was.
Many people have asked me how I could recall so many details of my past, and two answers spring to mind. First, I’ve moved 19 times in my life, and it’s relatively easy to remember the various transitions of my life as they coincide with the different houses, cities, and countries I’ve resided in over the years. And secondly, my love for writing has compelled me to keep a journal over the years. The very act of writing has helped cement many of these memories into my brain.
As I wrote out my life story, I noticed some common themes emerging, some of the very same themes that I’d been wrestling with in Argentina. My life story was full of people-pleasing anecdotes, adapting to new cultural norms, and learning to live in over-stimulating environments. It wasn’t exactly news to me that I’d been dealing with these themes throughout my life, but I think the process of writing through both the joys and challenges of my life helped me appreciate some of the struggles a bit more, too. Not only did I start to notice patterns emerging in my story, but I also started to accept and appreciate certain aspects of myself that I’d previously tried to change.
Seven months later, after I typed out the final sentence and completed my memoir, I was able to step back and feel genuinely proud of my story, flaws and all. I know many MKs have important stories to tell, and healing is yet to be done. I encourage anyone who loves to write to jot down their own story, either to share their unique perspectives with the world or simply to have a deeper understanding of their own identity. Rest assured that many will be able to relate.
Claire is a third culture kid who grew up in the Philippines, and has lived in several different countries since then. Her cross-cultural experiences have allowed her to have a deeper understanding of her identity in Christ, and to make sense of some of life’s tougher questions. She has recently published her memoir, “Becoming Clear”, which grapples with her journey as a TCK. Claire teaches ESL to adults, and lives in Greenville, South Carolina with her husband.
To read more about her memoir, click this link.
