This week, Ben Gilbert shares his TCK story of attending a university in the UK where he struggled to find belonging. It was not with who he expected.
Starting university in the UK was a significant hurdle for me. I’m originally from the UK, but I grew up in India until the age of eighteen and attended a boarding school there. Throughout my schooling, all I had known was the structured environment of boarding, which provided clear boundaries and a close sense of community. University life in the UK was in stark contrast, with its seemingly limitless freedom and a social culture that often revolved around getting drunk!
Upon arriving at university, I quickly realised that the social norms were vastly different from what I was used to. The school I had attended in India was a Christian mission school, and as such, had strict boundaries on what I was and wasn’t allowed to do. In contrast to this, the drinking culture in university seemed to be a free for all, with no rules or limits. What I found particularly alienating was that for my fellow-students, getting drunk together seemed to be the primary means of bonding, which I found both uncomfortable and isolating. This made it hard to form meaningful connections, leaving me feeling lonely and unsure of where or how to find new friends.
I remember one attempt I made in my first few weeks. I signed up for a student group for Indian international students. However, this experience was not what I had hoped for because the moment I walked in, I could sense the confusion among the other students about why I was there – I mean, one can’t really blame them – what was a white British guy doing in the Indian International group? This only added to my feelings of not fitting in, making the first term incredibly challenging. I was miserable and lonely and the thought of dropping out often crossed my mind, but my parents persuaded me to stay for at least one year. In retrospect, I’m glad I did, as my subsequent two years completing my undergraduate degree were a lot easier than the first.
I mean, one can’t really blame them – what was a white British guy doing in the Indian International group?
By the end of my first year, things had begun to change. I gravitated towards a group of students who shared my faith – this was a common area of interest that helped me find like-minded people whom I was able to connect with at a deeper level. I settled into accommodation with them, and for the first time, I started to feel a bit more at home. This gave me the confidence to join other clubs too such as climbing, scuba diving, and the drama society. It took me a while, but I finally found places where I could fit in.
Looking back, that first year was an awkward and difficult time. The lack of boundaries and the pressure to conform to a drinking culture made it hard to feel at ease, but I’ve never forgotten an important life lesson that it taught me. Regardless of where I am and how uncomfortable or challenging life is, I can always find people, if I persevere, to find something in common with, be it faith or anything. And this can be one of the most rewarding things we can experience when forging our path as a TCK.
Ben Gilbert was born in the United Kingdom but spent his formative years in India, where he attended a boarding school there. He returned to the UK when he was eighteen to pursue higher education. As an adult, Ben’s career took him to various parts of the world, including Sri Lanka and Kuwait. He is now living in the UK, married, and has two children, aged 7 and 9.
Ben is now the Dean of Studies for FieldPartner. You can learn more about their work on TCK issues here. You also connect with Ben on Instagram.
