This week, Ethan Clay, a soon-to-be adult TCK, invites us to sit around his family’s table to share how missing the foods from his early childhood drew him to conclude that while he misses those savory dishes, he learned a more valuable lesson that his family continued with well after they left.
地三鲜 (three treasures) and 辣蛤蜊 (spicy clams): my two favorite dishes in the world. Even now, my mouth waters and my taste buds stand at attention at their mention. Growing up in China for eight years meant we ate at a variety of restaurants. The one most prominent in my memory being, “The Lennon Bar,” where almost every week after church we had lunch. My family and I went to share, among other dishes, these two plates of food. I have always loved Chinese food. The food, culture, and country were my home. I felt like I was losing that when my parents decided to move to the U.S.
Moving to the U.S. was really hard on me. Almost nothing here could bring back the emotions and sense of home I felt in China. The food didn’t jump out to me; it was all so similar and bland. Having lived only blocks away from a city center filled with shopping malls and crowds of people, the small, quiet town in rural Massachusetts to which we’d moved felt empty and lifeless by comparison. The international school I attended in Qingdao had students from countries all across the globe. We were united despite our many differences because we were all living away from our home country. In this new town my new classmates had all grown up together from an early age, speaking the same language and eating the same food. Where did I fit in?
I tried to find comfort and familiarity in my new surroundings each day. I grew friendships with the kids in my apartment building, playing ultimate frisbee, video games, and watching movies. I started to make friends at school who I related to and could talk with, all in an effort to find “home.” But neighbors moved away, and classmates changed schools. The sense of “home” eluded me.
I continually thought back to China—the food, the smells, and all that I missed, but I realized it was not just spicy clams and three treasures; it was the way we ate. In Chinese culture, it’s common to eat a meal as one big family and share all the food mutually, unlike in America, where everyone gets an individual plate. No one has one dish to themselves, whether at home or out at a restaurant. Sharing our plates enables us to build relationships as we experience different foods together.
Was this the piece I had been missing?
As I reflected I realized the most essential elements of “home” had not been left in China. For instance, my mother still made sure we celebrated Chinese holidays. She would find and buy mooncakes and make fried rice for Mid Autumn-Festival. At Chinese New Year my siblings and I would receive red envelopes stuffed with money and eat 汤圆(rice balls with black bean paste). My father would make the dumplings while sharing about the difficulties he, too, faced moving around a lot while growing up. We would sit together and eat Chinese-style. We would end the holiday playing board and video games together.
So, here in Massachusetts, we were still sharing our plates as we had in China.
I realized my family had experienced almost everything I had. We had moved around a lot and called many places home, whether multiple years living in the lively streets of Qingdao or the now infamous Wuhan, China, or even now living many years in the undisturbed streets of the north shore of Boston, Massachusetts. Together we had left behind people, friends, schools, cultures, and food. We have lived in apartments around the globe, and more recently settled into our very own house.
I have learned that home is where my family shares food and time. With that realization
I take my definition of “home” with me into the next chapter of my life. As I meet new people and maybe one day start my own family, I want to extend my “home” and continue sharing plates with those around me, no matter where the future leads.
Ethan Clay, a senior in high school, lives on the north shore of Boston, where he enjoys playing
ultimate frisbee, football with friends, shooting hoops, hanging out at his church, and working at a popular local restaurant. In his junior year, he had the opportunity to return to the continent of his
birth for an almost two-week trip to Taiwan. He hopes to continue his globe-trotting in the next chapter of his life, which will involve earning a college degree geared toward business.
