This week, Melissa Eager, an MK from Kenya, shares her experience dropping her two MKs off for university. She compares the differences, the grief, and the one thing that remained the same.
“What are your expectations about …?” We often talk about managing expectations in our missions community. When we ask people about their expectations, at times, the response is that they don’t have any expectations. It’s an interesting answer because whether people have intentionally put thought into it or not, we all have expectations about pretty much everything in life.
If anyone would have asked me at the beginning of my oldest son’s senior year of high school how I envisioned college drop off, I would have painted a picture of driving onto campus together, seeing people everywhere, smiling people; college students, both new students just arrived, and upper-class students there to welcome the freshmen; parents, staff and faculty. Some sort of banner with a theme on it, school colors and mascot would be represented somewhere. People would be strategically placed wearing brightly colored matching t-shirts, those who could answer questions and give directions. I imagined excitement and a sense of celebration. I knew there would be grief involved in anticipation of yet another separation. These expectations were based on my own experience of when my missionary parents had dropped me off at college.
Black and yellow balloons and a few wandering souls. Signs pointing out specific locations. That’s it. That’s what we saw when my husband, son and I drove onto campus. As it was a secular college, there were no familiar Bible verses posted anywhere, giving comfort and assurance to our hearts. It wasn’t surprising. It was August 2020 in the midst of the covid pandemic. At least my son was allowed to begin college with some in person classes, allowed to live on campus, allowed to have some personal interactions. I was so very grateful for that. We were given two hours to move our son into his dorm room. We met a handful of people in the process, including his suitemate and a hall mate. After his few pieces of luggage were unloaded and delivered into his room, we had to leave. No time to help him settle in a bit. No time to walk around campus, to chat with people, to get a feel for this place. No connection. A year earlier, this was not what I had pictured. Unmet expectations. There was grief, but it was a different kind of grief than I had anticipated. Although my son knew this was not normal, he would never experience a normal drop off and first year of college. Building solid relationships would be tougher, especially for him as a TCK. However, my husband and I DID know, and we were sad. On the other hand, we would be living nearby for the next six months so we would be available to walk with him through this transition. The longer, more distant separation would come later along with the grief of saying yet another goodbye.
Unmet expectations. There was grief, but it was a different kind of grief than I had anticipated.
Fast forward two years to our second son’s entrance into college. This time there are no covid restrictions. He is attending a Christian college and we as parents were invited to spend a couple of days with him in orientation. We arrive on campus to see people everywhere, balloons, signs, smiling faces, colorful t-shirts, even some familiar faces from our mission family. As parents we were participants in his orientation process. God is included in every session and in just about every conversation. This time I realized that my expectations were not only met but were exceeded. The experience was so very different from that of leaving our first son off at his college.
Why do I tell you of these vastly different experiences? While the process of drop off was like night and day, there is something, or rather someone, who was and is the same. Some of those external expectations went unmet, some were met, and some were surpassed. But what of my expectations of God in all of this? I don’t know that we often ask about expectations as they relate to God in our lives. It’s not an easy question because we have to know what we truly believe about God, who He is, whose we are, and who we are. For myself at least, I know what I am supposed to believe, I know what I should expect but it isn’t always easy to absorb and put into practice what I know to be true. I know God is faithful, but I don’t always act like it. When it came to dropping our sons off at college, God was right there with us, He gave us and continues to give wisdom, comfort and joy. He provided and continues to provide the needed finances and people support. Our sons have good relationships. While it hasn’t always been so, they are thriving and growing in their faith. God IS faithful, He IS who He says He is. We ARE who He says we are. When it comes to dropping off a son or a daughter in college, we can trust God because He IS trustworthy. So now if someone were to ask me what I expect when we drop our daughter off at college next year, I will confidently answer that I expect God to be faithful and what that looks like. We can have great expectations because we have a very great God!
Melissa comes from a long line of missionaries on both sides of her family representing service in Persia, Kenya and Tanzania. For this reason she sought the LORD very intentionally about her own calling. Melissa grew up in Kenya and now serves as a full time missionary in Tanzania. She has 3 children, a son studying for a masters degree in Pennsylvania, a son mid-way through college in Texas and a daughter in her senior year of high school at a boarding school in Kenya. All three have heard the LORD’s call to return to Africa as missionaries.
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