Creating art can be a way to process the life lived by a TCK. Jodie Stock shares how, in college, she found comfort in the vibrant colors of the Pakistani culture. This comfort is found in her artwork, “The Bejeweled Dancer.”
“Jodie, you’re a really cool person. But I just don’t have time to deal with you. You’re too confusing. Too complicated. You take too much effort. You’re just too much.”
It was my second semester of freshman year in college when I heard these words. It was my first time living in the States—my passport country—and I was eager to befriend “local” Americans. I wanted to make America home.
But by the second semester, it seemed America didn’t want me.
What had I done wrong? Ashamed. Confused. I resigned that I just wasn’t American enough.
From that moment, I spent hours studying how Americans dressed and tried hard to imitate them. I hid my bright, colorful clothes in the back of my closet and wore jeans and T-shirts. I avoided telling people where I was from at all costs. Once they heard, I felt like the battle for friendship with them was lost. But I couldn’t hide everything. I would know too much about a part of the world or be overly excited by some international cuisine introduced to our school cafeteria. I would be too calm during an unexpected electricity outage or use a word that I was convinced was English but wasn’t. I guess that’s what you get from growing up speaking English mixed with other languages with your family.
Despite all my efforts, I was still lonely. I was tired of living my life in muted colors. It had not brought any meaningful connections with Americans. I missed the vibrant Jodie who didn’t fit the mold and was “too much” for some. I missed myself.
So, I brought out my colorful outfits. I spoke up in class when I knew where a country was or what its capital was. I was passionate about world news. I mixed my English with Urdu and then explained the foreign words to those around me. I danced to Bollywood music and even convinced others to join me. I embraced who I was without worrying what others would think. I eventually found my people—people who were willing to ask questions and embrace my unique blend of cultures – people who would become lifelong friends.
About the painting:
“The Bejewelled Dancer” is inspired by Pakistani truck art. Just like me, the style of this painting is not necessarily for everyone, with its vivid colors and mishmash of designs. It represents the diversity of traditions and cultures I grew up in, all of which combine to create the unique figure that’s on the canvas and is symbolic of my own story. I can now courageously display this artwork because of the people in my life who explored deeper and learned to celebrate the assortment of cultures that made me who I am today.
Jodie Stock-Meier is an American-adopted Chinese who spent the first 18 years of her life in rural Pakistan. In the 7 years since, she’s lived between Pakistan and America, but her heart never left Asia. She and her husband currently live in Pennsylvania, and they plan on moving to Asia soon.
